no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
