Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
