There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
