He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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