WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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