well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
