Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
