I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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