Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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