i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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