Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
