4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
