Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
