Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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