Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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