Its about making memories worth repressing
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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