Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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