Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
