i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
