Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
