yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
