he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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