i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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