Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
