Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
