all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
