Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
