I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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