I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
