I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
