R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
