I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
