i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
