by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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