True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
