There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
