Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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