Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
