do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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