I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
