just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Mom said you looked used
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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