he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
