I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
