If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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