meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
