she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
