Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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