Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
