In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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