can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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