An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
