HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
