Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
